The Scope of Regulation

**Building Connection Before Achievement: Why Relationships Matter in the Classroom**

As we embark on a new school year, one of the most essential elements to focus on in our classrooms is not just academic goals or self-regulation strategies, but something deeper: the connections we build with our students. Research, as well as our own experiences, has consistently shown that the foundation for learning and personal growth in school is first and foremost rooted in feeling safe, supported, and connected.

Before we can expect students to manage their emotions, set goals, or work toward self-regulation, they need to feel seen, heard, and understood. They need to know that they are in an environment where they can take risks, make mistakes, and grow—not just academically, but socially and emotionally. This is where *co-regulation* and *relationship building* come into play. Let's take a closer look at why these connections are so important and how they pave the way for a more effective learning experience.

What is Co-Regulation?

Co-regulation refers to the process of managing emotions together, often with the support of an adult or a trusted peer. Unlike self-regulation, where the child learns to manage their emotions independently, co-regulation involves a back-and-forth process in which the adult helps the child recognize, understand, and manage their emotional responses. This is particularly vital in the early stages of emotional development.

For example, if a student is feeling frustrated or anxious, a teacher or caregiver might help them calm down through deep breathing exercises, calm words, or simply providing a comforting presence with no language. The adult essentially helps guide the student back to a state where they are able to think clearly, regain control, and continue learning. But before this can happen, there needs to be trust—trust that the adult cares about them, understands their needs, and will help them in those difficult moments.

Why Relationships Come First

The idea of relationship-building is not just a "nice-to-have" in classrooms—it's a must-have. Children, especially those who may have experienced trauma or disruptions in their home life, need to feel a sense of security in order to thrive. When a child feels that their teacher is a safe, reliable presence in their life, they are more likely to be emotionally open, less anxious, and more willing to engage in learning.

When children feel safe emotionally, they are able to activate the parts of their brain that are responsible for higher-order thinking—problem solving, creativity, and social interaction. On the other hand, if a child feels unsafe, whether because of anxiety, stress, or a lack of emotional support, their brain is often in "fight or flight" mode, which can inhibit learning, focus, and engagement.

Creating a Safe Environment

So how do we create this kind of safe, supportive environment? The key is consistency, trust, and clear boundaries. Children need to know that the rules are fair and predictable, that their feelings are acknowledged, and that they are respected as individuals. This may look like:

1. **Regular Check-ins:** Starting the day with a quick check-in, where each student shares how they are feeling, helps establish a connection and lets them know that their emotions are valued.

2. **Emotion Coaching:** Helping students label their emotions, giving them tools to manage those feelings, and offering support when things get tough. This might involve redirecting a frustrated child to a quiet corner, using breathing techniques, or simply offering words of reassurance.

3. **Modeling Emotional Regulation:** Children learn a great deal by watching adults. When teachers model calmness, empathy, and problem-solving during stressful situations, students see firsthand how to handle their emotions constructively.

4. **Responsive Communication:** Active listening, validating feelings, and responding with empathy goes a long way in helping students feel understood and supported. Sometimes, just knowing that someone "gets" them can make all the difference.

5. **Celebrating Growth:** Building connections is not just about calming down emotions but also celebrating when students experience progress—whether that's learning a new skill, demonstrating a new level of self-regulation, or simply taking a positive step forward in their social-emotional development.

### The Link Between Connection and Self-Regulation

The relationship you build with your students is not just about providing emotional support—it's also the bedrock upon which self-regulation and independent learning will grow. When students feel emotionally safe and connected, they are more likely to trust the adults in their lives to help them through challenges. This foundation of trust also enables them to begin developing self-regulation skills.

Once a child knows they are safe and supported, they are better equipped to develop the ability to regulate their own emotions. They learn to recognize when they are becoming overwhelmed, and they can begin to use tools like deep breathing, positive self-talk, or seeking support from a trusted adult to bring themselves back to a calm, focused state.

Additionally, students who feel secure in their relationships with teachers and peers are more likely to take risks in their learning. They are more willing to make mistakes, ask questions, and push through challenges because they know they are in a supportive environment. This process of trying, failing, and trying again is crucial for personal and academic growth.

Building a Classroom of Trust and Learning

As we look ahead to a productive school year, let's remember that every lesson, goal, and achievement starts with the emotional connections we build with our students. When children feel safe, supported, and understood, they are more likely to engage, succeed, and learn how to regulate their own emotions in healthy ways.

By prioritizing relationships, fostering co-regulation, and creating an emotionally safe space for students, we are laying the groundwork for a more positive, successful learning experience for everyone. The benefits of this approach extend far beyond academics—helping children develop the emotional intelligence, resilience, and interpersonal skills they need to thrive in school and in life.

Let’s build these strong foundations of connection together, so our students can soar, not just academically, but emotionally and socially too.